| To My
RugCats, |
| When I tell you to move, it means to go someplace
else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two of you
in the way. |
| The dishes with the paw print are yours and
contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please
note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not
stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that
aesthetically pleasing in the slightest. |
| The stairway and hallway were not designed by
NASCAR and this not a racetrack for your runs. Beating me to the bottom
of the stairs is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help, because I
fall faster than you can run. And if you trip me, it takes that much
longer for me to feed you. |
| Speaking
of feeding you, please realize that meowing at the top of your lungs
does not make your breakfast appear any faster. |
| I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size
bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep
on the couch to ensure your comfort. Look at videos of cats sleeping,
they can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep
perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent
possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having
tongues hanging out the other end to maximize the space used is nothing
but sarcasm. |
| I
don't have fur; you do. I need the bed covers; you don't. Please
remember that. |
| I
have an alarm clock; please allow me to use it. |
| My cds and dvds are not miniature Frisbees and my
books and magazines are not for your shredding enjoyment. |
| For the last time, there is not a secret exit
from the bathroom. If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to
get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the
knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. When
I exit this room, I will come out the same door I entered. In addition,
I have been using bathrooms for years. Feline attendance has never been
necessary. |
| The proper order is to kiss me, then go smell the
other animal or your butt. I cannot stress this enough. It would be such
a simple change for you. |
| In return for you following these simple rules, I
have posted the following message on our front door: |
| |
|
Our Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like
to Complain About the RugCats:
|
| 1. They live here. You don't. |
| 2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes,
stay off the furniture. |
| 3. I like the RugCats much better than I like
most people. |
| 4. To you, they are animals To me, they are
adopted children who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't
speak clearly. |
| 5. Cats are better than kids. They eat less,
don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually
come when called, never drive my car, don't hang out with
drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about buying
the latest fashions, don't wear my clothes, don't need a gazillion
dollars for college, and since they are
spayed and/or neutered, they don't get pregnant. |
|
|
| Your
Loving Meowmie |
